Descriptive Writing #3

Descriptive Writing #3

So tonight, I’m changing gears and pictures. I’m using a picture I took of the Super Moon rising and referencing a few other pics along the way. Is the description done well, over done, or underdone. Is it appropriate for the subject? Is there anything I left out that I should have included? Did I include stuff I should have left out? No plans to use it except for this exercise, but you never know. Thanks for your feedback.

 

Super Moon

The sun’s rays slowly faded away leaving the water in darkness. Across the bay to the east the construction continued under lights that pierced through the darkness. New oil rigs would soon be heading out into the gulf. Off to the north, The Lexington was highlighted with purple lights, the ghosts of wars past flying around as if protecting her.

Off to the east, it began as a few small rays of soft orange light peeping over the horizon. The light struggled with the darkness, making little headway in its battle at first. Then, the light advanced upward conquering the nearby darkness but without the power of the morning light. Soon, a sliver of moon eased up over the horizon, barely visible at first, but growing larger and larger to menace the darkness. Darkness fled before the coming moon and the initial rays of orange soon turned into a soft, golden gleam. Continuing the struggle, the moon fought through the darkness that sought to keep it imprisoned and broke free, popping over the shore in the east. The giant golden ball spread its light over the waters that quietly lapped at the wall by my feet sharing its gold with the cold, dark waters of the bay.

Descriptive Writing Exercise #2

A different mood today. Same rules as yesterday. Is the description 1) Underdone, 2) Overdone, 3) about right? What kind of mood am I trying to set. Here’s the picture of the study again, although we start in the outer office.

 

Pastor’s Study

The light behind the desk made me blink. I had to avert my eyes as I said, “I have an appointment.” My comment was met by silence. I tried to look at the lady typing. I put a hand in front of my eyes and saw a tight black bun, rounded shoulders from typing, and wrinkled hands on a keyboard. I cleared my throat to get ready to remind her.

“Heard you,” she snapped. “Name?”

“Pastor Charles,” I said.

I think she turned down the air conditioning as she said, “Obviously. What’s your name?” She stared over the top of her half glasses letting me know that I was beneath her effort.

“I’m sorry. I’m Merle Ambrose,” I said hoping she might thaw out.

She sniffed. “Go ahead and sit down. Pastor Charles will call for you when he’s ready.” She looked back down at her typing. The only thing I could hear was her nails hitting the keyboard. That is until a door slammed shut and a young lady came rushing by, wiping her sniffles with her sleeve. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she headed out the door to the street. That inner door flew open as a man slammed it open to run after her. I saw Pastor Charles walking out of the darkness of the room, shaking his head.

“Pastor,” the secretary broke into his reverie. “That’s Merle Ambrose. He has an…”

Pastor Charles frowned. “…appointment. Yes, Vivian. Thank you.” He looked at me. “The study’s over here,” he said pointing to the door.

I realized that was his invitation and got up. He followed me into the study, closing the door behind him. I blinked to help my eyes adjust to the light, or perhaps it would be better to say the lack of light. The only light in the room came from the window behind the desk, but even that light flickered in shadows.

“We had the lights off for an exercise we were doing,” he explained. Then he flipped the switch for the overhead light. It didn’t help much. He walked over to his desk and sat down in an avocado green swivel chair. He poured himself a mug of coffee and the aroma filled the air. I wasn’t sure if he was going to offer me some, or not. I hoped he would.

When he turned around I saw that the golden words “Preach the Word of the Lord” stood out on the blue background of the mug. He gestured with his mug towards the couch. The ivory fabric on the couch was accented with a golden brocade. “Sit down, Merle,” he said. “I’m concerned by some of the things I’ve heard and I wanted to discuss them with you.”

Learning the Craft

One of the things that separates the author from a writer or a story teller is the craft. Craft inovlves the way you put together a story so that it works together, paces well, and generally flows well. It’s knowing when to show and when to tell. I am going to be working on craft as I continue my writing. The first area I’m going to tackle is description. I love reading well written description. It makes the scene come alive to me. I just have not felt comfortable writing description. When I write it, I feel like it’s overdone and “hokey” if I can use that word. The only way to work on description is to do it, so, I’m planning on working on description in a few different ways. Over the next week (?) I’ll be doing some descriptive writing. I’ll be posting it here for you to critique. I’m pretty good at taking criticism and try to use it as a springboard to grow. I’ll include my feelings about the writing after the selection. What I eventually want to hear is “Nailed it” (and not like those pinterest memes.) I don’t expect to nail it at first, so I would appreciate any feedback. If you have any ideas to help me as I go through this journey: websites, techniques, descriptive exercises, good examples of descriptive writing – please share them. I appreciate any and all help. Thanks in advance!